Home

Karalee recently returned from her year as a missionary in Costa Rica.


Home. This place. In the small hillbilly town of Rathdrum, Idaho. I am here to stay for a while. A new concept I'm still trying to wrap my mind around and get use to again. It all feels like a weird dream, that I can't seem to find my way out of. I don't know when it'll hit me that it's actually real. I'm here. This is my life now. Again.

I am home alone today. It's just me and the dog. It feels so nice. I haven't been completely alone in SO long. In Costa Rica I was hardly alone. We did everything together - took walks, went to coffee or the post-office, baked, went to teachers houses', taught at the high school, slept, and ate, I mean EVERYTHING together. The only time I felt alone was when I woke up at 5 in the morning to go run and write... which became more and more sparse as time went on and my motivation deteriorated. It's a breath of fresh air being here now, in this comfortable setting alone. I never realized silence could be so loud. There's this enormous buzz going straight through my ears, and I have to adjust my sitting position, or click my tongue every once in a while to hear something supposedly "quiet" to believe that the noise I'm hearing is actually silence, and not a loud tractor outside the window.

This is the 5th day of being home, and I haven't blogged sooner, because I'm unsure of what to say. Some people say that culture shock coming back into their home country is worse than when they left. And it's hard to tell just yet, I haven't been out much. Church on Saturday and Spokane Valley Mall yesterday (it was energy sucking I can assure you). Honestly, I feel like I'm living in LUXURY here. It is SO fantastic (I feel so rich and so comfortable) but at the same time, it can be a bit overwhelming. I mean, our kitchen in this house is twice the size of the room I shared with 2 other girls for the past 8 months (including all of our STUFF). My bathroom here, is as big as our old kitchen. My entire house is bigger than the entire school. We have granite, and hard-wood and CARPET! and a DISHWASHER! and a VACUUM! (I forgot what those things were), and HOT WATER in the faucets and in our shower. We have our own cars and we can come and go as we please. We have a big screen TV, and couches and chairs. I can walk with bare feet in my house without getting grossed out by all the dirt, hair, and bugs on the cement floor, and sleep with one leg out of the covers without putting mosquito repellent on and still getting bit up the wazoo. We have a washer and dryer, and laundry is done in a jiffy with little to no effort. We have a piano (there was not a single piano in the entire town of Monteverde), and a pantry the size of my old bathroom (not to mention stocked with good food from the floor to the ceiling). We have TWO refrigerators, and 3 freezers. My bed is huge and soft with red royal sheets, and an electric heater to keep me warm at night.  There are no cracks in the windows were the wind can blow in and freeze our noses off in the middle of the night. There are no creepy men outside my windows peering through the cracks in the curtains watching us sit on our beds and lesson plan or Pinterest, just waiting to see if they'll get lucky and we'll change into our pajamas. I don't have to worry about waking up with a tarantula on my shoulder again or finding dead cockroaches under my pillow that I must've tackled in the middle of the night. I can wear clothes that I actually LIKE here, but unfortunately I've forgotten what that means to like a piece of clothing. I can understand anything and everything that I wish to, and my brain doesn't hurt from translating and trying so hard. It is cold here but I have everything I need to make myself comfortable. Slippers, sweats, sweaters, fuzzy blankets, and at the moment, I'm drinking pumpkin spice gourmet hot chocolate (who knew that existed? But it's SO good!). Did I even mention food? I haven't touched a single piece of beans or rice since I've been home (5 days, now that's a record, phew thank the Lord!). I can choose whatever the heck I want to eat, whenever the heck I want to eat it, and it tastes SO INCREDIBLY GOOD! I am almost certain I could clean out our pantry and fridge in a day if I was given the chance. I am home with my family and I can finally get that time alone that I've craved for so long. It sounds exactly like the dream I've been dreaming for the past 8 months, and this time it's actually for real and that's so confusing to me. Then there was church, and that was even MORE overwhelming.

We have all this STUFF. And almost EVERY house in America has all this STUFF. And everyone thinks it's the most normal thing in the world. There's hardly any thought about waking up in the morning without bug bites and taking a hot shower, and putting on an outfit that altogether equals a total of $70 or more (for a single freaking outfit) and buzzing over to Starbucks to pick up coffee and a bagel on your way to work. And it's COMPLETELY normal here. Not a single thought about this luxury ever occurs, to any of us here. It just becomes normal in our day-to-day lives. I know. I've been this way my entire life up until the last 5 days, and I'm sure everything that I consider a luxury now will eventually go back to being considered "normal". But right now, it grieves me to know that people are not thankful for the abundance that is theirs. We've heard it all our lives, that people always yearn for more and more things to fill up their lives with. Maybe then I will be happy, they think. It is so sad. So wrong.

I want travel to occur more often in the rest of my life. I've found that when I travel for an extended period of time, I am reminded of the luxuries I have at "home" wherever home may be at the time. I am made more fully aware of my surroundings. I am more contemplative. More thoughtful. More grateful. More at peace. More happy. More myself.

I have learned a lot from this year abroad. I wouldn't change a thing. I am so blessed to have had this opportunity to learn and grow and experience 1st hand so many new concepts and cultural differences. And at the end of it all, I am eternally grateful for the abundance that is mine.

Guest House

 

Karalee is nearly finished with her year serving in Costa Rica.  

 

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meaness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whomever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Stars

Karalee is currently serving as an SM in Costa Rica. 

Tonight I found myself in awe of the stars.
The frigid wind played with the loose wisps of hair around my face.
I looked in search of answers.
Maybe the sky has secrets too, I wondered.
The smallest of stars -clinging close together- shined brightest in the sky.
It looked like a break-through in the darkness.
Like a whole secret world lied behind it -underneath it.
I wondered if there was more life out there.
Some sort of secret life.
Something on the other side of the darkness.
Through that small break-through.
Something bigger than me. This place. This country. This earth. This universe.
Someone bigger out there.
I turned my back against the street lights and a whole new arrangement of stars appeared.
They burned passionately. So intently -with all the might they could muster.
I found my mind sort of turn to mush. I guess you could call it mind-blowing.
I felt the presence of eyes on my back and turned to face them.
It was a stranger passing on the road 20 feet from where I stood.
I wondered if they thought I was crazy.
I was dizzy and disoriented.
Perplexed and amazed.
It didn't matter though -if they thought I was crazy.
I wondered why I hadn't looked at the stars sooner.

Costa Rica Stars 

Through Foggy Walls Into Sunshine

by Karalee Rhuman
Costa Rica

Where do I begin?

This week has been phenomenal, and I am SO grateful for such a blessed week.

There was only one time this week, that wasn’t so good, but because of that moment, my day and week was ultimately better. It was Thursday morning, I woke up and walked into our kitchen, hungry and in search of breakfast, but before I reached the door, I saw the evidence of another break in on the ground. Wrappers, banana peels, were in a heap in front of the half cracked open door. I walked inside and found all of our contents once nicely arranged on the small counter, in a disheveled mess on the floor. The lid to the sugar container had been opened, and the remaining contents spilled all over the ground. Our oatmeal, salt, pepper, cocoa, pumpkins, spices, plantains, were all on the floor bitten open and ruined. To say I was furious would be an understatement. Unsure of where to begin, I walked past the pile of food and began doing the dishes in the sink. Immediately after, Rachel showed up, followed by Bianca. The kids that arrive at the school half an hour early everyday decided to join us, in our 4 ft kitchen space. Their loud, annoying voices are not appreciated that early in the morning… especially on top of a morning like THAT. That is one horrible reason for living at the school, you can never just "get away" and have your own space. Kids follow you home.

We went to our teacher meeting at 7:45. Yet again (like every morning), we were interrupted by one of the kids, wanting to ask a not-important-could-definitely-wait- ten-minutes-question. But of course, no one here sees the same way I do, and an interruption routinely everyday in the middle of a conversation is not even given a second thought. I on the other hand, am completely sick of the disrespect shown by the students. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to be disrespectful, it’s just that they are allowed to do the things they do, and it’s come to be all that they know. They just need a few more rules and boundaries to show the teachers the respect they deserve.

After our meeting, we began Bible. I just can’t do it. I can’t tolerate the wild chaos in the classroom like Rachel and Bianca can. They don’t threaten the kids, they don’t punish them, they just repeatedly ask the kids to get up off the floor, sit correctly in their seat, stop talking, keep their hands to themselves, etc. I can’t do that. That’s how the entire class period goes… everyday! I do not have the patience to tolerate that. I just can’t do it. Thankfully, my kindergarteners know I won’t put up with any of that. I put an end to that on the third day of teaching. My kindergarteners sit quietly in their seats like good children. I guess this observation has made me be thankful for where I got placed at the school. I am so glad I am teaching kindergarten, as much as I never thought I’d say that. The kindergarteners are my favorite. I have trained them to listen; to know that I don’t mess around.

To top off the bad morning, we hadn’t had our laundry done in 3 weeks, and I was wearing the same clothes over and over again. I was frustrated that we had been forgotten.

I let the kids play longer than usual because I just didn’t want to handle anything. Rachel came and knocked on our door and asked if I wanted tea. It was chilly outside, and tea sounded great, so she brought it to me moments later. I guess the warm liquid running down my throat not only warmed by hands and my body, but my spirits too, because shortly after a few sips, life started to look up and the sun outside began to shine.

Our craft for the day required that we go outside and collect branches from off the trees. So we set out to find some good ones. Next we went to the café to pop some popcorn. We played a few games with the popcorn, decorated our tree branches with popcorn, and then watched a movie and ate the remaining leftovers. Just watching the kiddos sit there inside the bottom shelf against the wall, so happy and carefree, melted my heart. I’m really starting to love these kids. I bet it was a sight to see, when their teacher climbed down to sit in the tiny shelf next to them and enjoy a good movie with some popcorn.

After the movie, the kids practiced writing the letter J, and we turned our focus to the word of the day, “jump”. We went outside and I tried to teach the kids jump rope. Nicole picked it up right away but Esteban had a hard time swinging the rope with the correct timing. “Jump, jump, jump…” I would repeat at the correct time. Apparently while we were practicing, my face had made a pretty interesting  look (maybe a face filled with intense concentration, and a little bit of fear from the fact that the rope could get yanked from Esteban’s hand at any minute), and Esteban immediately began giggling away. Pretty soon, Nicole began laughing as well, and before I knew it we were all giggling hysterically--Esteban and Nicole going as far as rolling on the ground, unable to control their laughter. The fact that they could not contain it made my laugh instinctive, and my heart just about tripled with joy and weight loss.

After lunch it was just Nicole and I (Esteban goes home for lunch, and sometimes he doesn’t come back). I like when it’s just us. I feel like its then that I can actually tell that she really likes me. She tries to speak to me about her life and she teaches me so many new words. She’s a good teacher. She’s more patient than the boys, and she’s good at speaking slowly and finding a way to explain. We crawled inside our makeshift fort constructed with a blanket covering the bottom shelf against the wall, and we watched our video. It was like one of those sweet moments, that you hope you never forget. Afterwards we played “Go Fish” and she practiced using her English, “Do you have…” and she’d name all the animals in English. I loved the fact that I’d taught her almost all that she knows. She knows SO much. I quizzed her with flashcards on English words afterwards, and she knew about half the stack! I still can’t even believe it! She’s getting so good. I’m so thankful for all that this opportunity is sharing with me.

Basically, this week is good, SO good. Life is better now than it has been in a REALLY long time. Or maybe I’m just more appreciative now than before.

I’m learning a lot, and one of the things I’ve learned is that everyone is running a race in life. Some people run it to win, some to race to the finish line with a decent time, some on a leisure walk, some so exhausted they can barely take another step in front of them, some completely at a stand still and some walking backwards. No matter where they are in the race, everyone’s bound to hit a wall. Maybe even multiple. I think I’m in a phase, a really long phase of wall hitting. It’s like it’s really just one long foggy wall, but I keep hitting smaller walls as well. I hit multiple walls last year, this summer at camp, trying to get here to Costa Rica, and so many little walls since I’ve been here. Even this week I hit a wall in that early morning on Thursday. Everyone hits walls occasionally. I know it’s not uncommon, although we’d really like to believe that to be a false statement. But more than anything, I hope this experience as a whole pulls me out of the biggest, foggy, wall, so I just have a few here and there. What I REALLY want more than anything, is to learn how to go back to being that carefree, joyful, smiling-without-a-single-reason-why- type of kid, that the kids I see everyday remind me of so much. I hope, more than anything that I can take THAT away from this experience. That at least if I don’t get through this foggy wall in the time that I want, I’ll be able to take away good reminders, and lessons, and habits, that will help me get through them when they hit. I hope I grow to become more and more like these kids… they are teaching me so much, in more ways than one. How will I ever be able to show them what they are beginning to mean to me?

Re-posted from Karalee's blog,  http://karaleeincostarica.blogspot.com/2012/11/through-foggy-walls-into-sunshine.html