Tanzi is currently serving as a Student Missionary in Nairobi, Africa.
It’s Christmas time and it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t even seem like we should be near December at all. I wear short sleeves and flip flops, my watch tan is increasingly vibrant, and my family isn’t anywhere near. This summer seems to never end (this isn’t really a bad thing) and when I hear Christmas music my heart seems “two sizes too small”; I just can’t seem to muster up the festivity. When I see our homemade snowflakes in the windows they seem like they are leftover decorations from months ago that no one bothered to take down. Even the anticipation for Christmas break feels more like the cravings just before summer break starts.
Some have said that the holidays are one of the hardest times of the year for SMs. My stubborn side of me testifies that this is not true. I have an amazing support system back in the States and everyone here is exceptional. I have everything I really need and my life here is nearly like walking through the “wardrobe in the spar-ooom”. I know I’m not homesick, but I do miss some things. That’s allowed, right? I miss the freezing cold, breath-seeing nights when wearing scarves and gloves are a must, I miss the Christmas lights hung up everywhere and all the holiday decorations, I miss the crisp clean mornings and all the holiday festivities (tree-lightings, cookie bakings, Victorian Christmases, and even the sweaters), but most of all I miss venturing to see my family. Today when I went into town I heard Christmas music for the first time that I hadn’t actually turned on and I realized for a split second that it is actually Christmas time here in Kenya. The feeling was so uncomfortable and I quickly left Nakumatt. It didn’t seem right.
Maybe break will make things more right for me; I’m a little drained, especially since I’ve been teaching for four straight months. However, I love my kids so much and I know that in two days I will miss them dearly, but I’m ready for a break. Along with mentally being able to refresh over the holiday, there is the freedom that will come too. Freedom to make my own food, freedom to just walk into town and get up when I want, freedom to not spend my nights in the computer lab, and freedom to just do “something exciting I guess.” I need this break, but I hope that somehow it will start feeling more like Christmas. I know it won’t be the same by far, but I do have things to look forward to and I’m still having a blast soaking up Kenya.
Post Reprinted from Tanzi's blog, http://tanzinkenya.tumblr.com/
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