by Alex Drury
Phnom Penh, Cambodia, at Cambodia Adventist School
Alex with her students. |
And so
begins week three of teaching the young-ins. It is barely past seven o’clock in
the morning and already I am finding myself wiping the sweat from my forehead
in between giving morning worship to my students. I am having the most difficult
time fathoming how Cambodia could possibly become any more sweltering and humid
than it has already proven itself to be. Still, all of the locals assure me
that we are currently in “cold” rainy-season.
I believe it sure as ever seems as though Cambodia is as close to
hell-hot as it can get, as it is already hard enough to breathe here….but maybe
I am just still in denial.
Today, I
must admit that walking out of our apartment and coming to school took more
than a stretch of my efforts and beyond the normal “We’ve got this” pep-talk
from Alex. Don’t take me wrong, my students have already stolen my heart and I
love them to pieces. I just suppose a whole part of me is still “at home” in
any desire to find comfort, whereas I know that I should be wholly here.
In the beginning I comprehended the necessity of being
present…here, where I physically was, not wherever my head was. I understood
that it was going to be more than vital to completely and wholeheartedly throw
every ounce of myself into this experience and for the most part I have
attempted to do just as so, but I would be lying if I said that being here, any
part of me being here, was easy. By no strains of the imagination is this easy.
Nonetheless it is exactly what I signed up for.
Waking up in Cambodia is hard. Leaving
my unconscious “reality” and being hit hard by the actual reality that is
around me every morning usually shakes me up more than not. The alarm alone is
enough to shake up my world, then in addition so quickly more “abnormalities”
come flying in every direction. Oh yeah, there’s the wild pack of dogs again
that always seem to be fighting outside our window…oh right, every morning
without fail I WILL wake up sticky and miserably hot, mhhmm, five o’clock in
the morning really IS the middle of the night, I cannot even see my hand in
front of my face….and the hardest morning realization of them all…I am quite
literally a world away from anything that is comfortable to me.
Inevitably I will allow these thoughts to overflow my mind state until
the second “snooze alarm” hits me like a brick wall. Amber, you can do this. I
am not completely positive how or where these words come to me each and every
morning, but they do without fail. I would like to believe that these words are from
something greater than just my subconscious. I would really like to believe
that this is an example of God carrying me through this. I’d like to believe
that He’s right there every morning without fail, flashing each of my students’
faces in my mind, reminding me to not only finish what I have started, but to
master it.
I do,
with absolute confidence, know that this year abroad as a student missionary
would be a thousand and a half times harder if I did not believe that God was
here carrying me through each moment of every day. For that alone I am
appreciative; I know that if I tried to accomplish this year on my own, it
would be near impossible. It honestly is the craziest feeling, to know and feel
Him working through me and the people around me. I am so blessed to have a God
that cares about me.
And so,
as I sit here wiping the sweat from my forehead, my prayer is that I never
forget why I am here, in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, how thankful I am that I will
never have to do this alone, and that I always remember this experience is
so..SO very much greater than a few pictures on Facebook ..or a couple of check
marks off of my bucket list; this experience is so far beyond my own self.